As I sit back and watch,

A calming truth settles upon me.

Causing the corners of my mouth to tilt ever so slightly towards the sky.

We are not the same.

You with your designer bags and life filled materialistic things.

Constantly strolling through social media trying to keep up with the Kardashians.

Are you happy?

Do you feel some sense of accomplishment as you walk down the street with your nose turned up at those who you feel are beneath you?

My sista, I feel sorry for you.

Most importantly I feel sorry for me.

In the midst of this, I am a Lauryn Hill living in a City Girl world.

And as I sit on this park bench, with my book on Assata Shakur in my hand, and my black obsidian necklace secured around my neck;

I take in all there is to you as you walk by and feel content with saying,

We are not the same, but when you awaken

I’ll be here to welcome you.

Artist Unknown

Embedded in the roots

These trees bare strange fruit

Flowing through generational veins

The poison of the past still remains

Stretching through each limb

Passing through the leaves

And floating in the breeze

Carrying along with it pure toxicity

A curse surviving off the fear of many

Those that are genuinely ashamed

Fingers pointing

Rumors whispered

Only the truth remains

A truth that must no longer leave these withered leaves stained

Breaking a cycle and bringing forth what’s really needed,

Change……

If only life were a fairytale

Then we could escape this cruel twist world

A life where we constantly have to blend in with society in hopes of not becoming a target

Ignoring the fact that you’re already a target.

The moment you took your first breath someone was being taught they were superior than you, someone was taught to fear you, and yes someone was taught that your life was so worthless that they can take it and get away with it.

This is a reality that you my dear boy will have to come to terms with at an early age.

Like Langston Hughes Mother to Son,

You my son must learn what I learned many years ago.

Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair and life for you just won’t be fair,

But as the blood of our ancestors flow through your veins,

Always remember, when you walk out of a room their perception of you will never be the same.

With the purest aura and the strength of a thousand men,

Those tacky stairs in the form of privileged individuals will see what I have seen since the moment of your birth.

A STRONG BLACK NEGUS.

Photo Inspiration: Misty Copeland

In the shadows I stand,

While watching her perform the perfect pirouette before gracefully taking a bow.

My black swan rises regally like the Queen she is.

Receiving the standing ovation she rightfully earned after breaking down barrier after barrier so that those that look like her will have hope for their future.

My heart is filled with pride as the spotlight highlights her features and she responds with a coy smile like the professional that she is.

A coy smile that I see through from many nights of watching her from this spot.

I see what no one else sees.

The little melanin girl that is now the face of the ballet world.

Most importantly, the woman who holds the only place in my heart filled with love.

She exits the stage as the curtains close.

My hand reaches out to her; She readily accepts as I take her in my arms and whisper in her ear,

“I love you. Let’s go home my little ballerina.”

They say you never miss something until it’s gone.

In our case you’ve e been gone a long time.

Too long for me to continue to miss.

Physically you are here, but mentally you’re two blocks over.

Happily engaged with a one night stand that became a newfound fixture in your life.

A simplicity you decided could no longer be found at the home we built.

The home whose foundation wasn’t as solid as you promised.

So now the home is shifted, stairs tattered, and paint chipped from the years of being unhappy and neglected.

Years of thoughtless coming and going for the sake of a marriage that just wasn’t it anymore.

Until you finally come home to the eerie silence and cold stove.

Finally taking notice of the batter house that you used to call a home.

A house that is now empty as you call out my name only to be met once again with silence.

A silence that wouldn’t have greeted you if you had only made it home 5 minutes sooner to see me walking out the door with my suitcase in hand.

The tears running down my face as I mourned the death of the old me that loved you.

The man I thought I’d spend forever with.

The man that now sits at the dinner table thinking about all he will now miss.

All that he can’t get from two blocks over.

The unconditional love that he had, but now it’s gone.

Artist Unknown

Standing here now, I only have one thought in mind, “I am not who I once used to be.”

The reflection staring back in the mirror is strikingly different these many years later.

My rich chocolate skin is now a tad darker,

Processed hair now transitioned to locs,

Slim shape graduated to thick and curvy,

A complete sign of evolution.

Peeling off the layers of clothing like the layers of my past that I fought so hard to overcome is like a weight lifting to finally reveal what I have been waiting so long to see.

My naked truth.

A truth I had so long hidden with baggy clothes that gave me the ability to physically feel all the years of self doubt and hated that society inflicted on me internally.

Taking years and years of my life as I sat through therapy learning that I am not the problem.

But now I get.

Right here in this moment, in all my glory, I can smile.

And it is genuine.

Because I have overcame and silenced the noise of all those who don’t matter.

I have finally learned to love me.

Unknown

Sing with me,

“If your love was all I had in this life, well that would be enough until the end of time…”

Close your eyes as the lyrics fill you

Now wrap me in your arms and sway with me

Just like that

To the beat we move side to side like a pendulum

Caught up in this moment of love and lyrics

Enraptured by the feel of being in each other’s embrace

As the music serenades not just me, but you as well

Beyoncé’s smooth voice comes in and I can’t help but sing along

Pouring out my heart to you as every word represents how I feel

And although my voice is nothing compared to hers

Hers has nothing on the meaning mines reflect as I look into your eyes and sing

“ohh oh oh oh oh oh whoa yeah….”

You felt that just like I did

As you rock with me

Body to body

Pelvis to pelvis

Lips lightly touching

As we dance

Artist Unknown

Sitting in this bathtub

Immersed in bubbles

Surrounded by the scent of jasmine

Thoughts of you flitter across my mind

Reminding me of the last time I was in your presence

Standing close, but still separated by frost covered glass

Wishing things were like they used to be

Nestled in each other arms

In our cozy little apartment

But those days are long ago

Thanks to you choosing to answer the call of fast money and dangerous living

While I walk the path of a creative determined to make it

Two worlds that may never collide

But if you asked me to I would’ve tried

To make it happen so this loneliness wouldn’t have settled in my heart

Causing long days and even longer nights

Wondering if we would ever be together again

If you would ever choose me over your new life

Thoughts that can only be answered by you

If only my nerves would settle enough for me to pick up the phone

Then you’d hear my desperate pleas for you to come home

Suddenly fear gives way to courage as I dial your number

Hope fills my chest before panic at the sound of your voice

Shallow breathing and coughing is what I hear in between you forcing out my name

Apologies mixed with confessions of love grace my ears as tears roll down my face

I whisper them back in hopes of this all being a misunderstanding, but if not you’d still know that as you take your last breath

I’ll love you until the end of time

As I sit in my bed and anxiety flows through my body

I think back on how life was all so simple just months ago

Before the days of never ending positive cases and no longer able to see everyone faces

Things we took for granted when we had our noses buried in our phones not bothering to look up

Carelessly walking through stores obviously to the many dangerous germs that now have us in fear of coming in contact with and scrambling for hand sanitizer every five seconds

An unwelcoming wake up call to the dangers we previously were susceptible to is now nothing compared to what we all are fighting now

A fight that has become so heartbreaking and tiresome as we watch many fight in this battle

Some surviving but still experiencing long lasting symptoms and others we have to say goodbye to.

Those goodbyes that hurt more than anything because we’d all give up valuable possessions just to say I love you again or

Just to have another moment.

Sadly it’ll never come and we experience this over and over again until our minds are left with feelings of pure hopeless.

Repeating the phrase over and over again like our favorite mantra…..

FUCK COVID!!!

I wonder what I would see if I got a view from their eyes

After all the world is not all sunshine and roses

It’s tough

So tough that many days I find myself questioning am I good enough

A good enough mother, a good enough wife, and most of all a good enough human being

Am I making the right decision to be deemed worthy

Have I earned enough tickets to heaven or would my actions be seen as deeds merely for self gain

The thought alone makes me fall to my knees

Begging the most high to hear my heart

My intentions are pure although they may not appear that way

May I be lighter than the feather on judgement day

But hear in the physical, please find me worthy

Worthy of the love from my creations

My creations that look at me through the eyes of such innocence

Eyes that look past my faults and embrace all there is of me

Because no matter what

I am mom in their eyes