I want to walk in the rain. Feel the cool water hit me, as I release all the worries of the days before. I want to let go and not have a care in the world. In that moment I will be free to be myself in the purest form possible.
I want to walk down the streets unnoticed by all. I’d smell the flowers that are for sale at the little flower shop on the corner, see all the delicious pastries in the display window outside of the bakery that has the best chocolate cake, and see all the people that should slow down to take in the moment as well. My heart aches for the joy they are missing out on.
As the rain pours over me, the ache decreases and I watch my favorite couple. The older gentleman that looks to be no more than 50, but is really in his 70’s. He’s holding the umbrella for his wife who just happens to be his high school sweetheart. They walk unhurriedly up the street for their weekly date at the bistro he proposed at all those years ago. Once again my heart is filled with love. So much love that I stand there and smile.
Caught in my moment, I miss my name being called. Your touch on my shoulder brings me back to reality. The smile on your face says that you already knew I’d be soak and wet by the time you got to me. You learned years ago my love of the rain and walking in it. You started heading this way once the ran started because you knew where to find me. Out of your bag, you produce a towel for me to dry off some and pull me in the crook of your arm ignoring my wet clothes. We walk home under the umbrella just like the old couple and my spirit is content.
Today I walked in the rain and in the rain I found peace…
In the closet, I’m obsessed with yoga. Meaning I totally love yoga, but haven’t worked up the nerve to follow all the way through with it. Many things have been the cause of that. Fear, anxiety, intimidation, just to name a few. Being plus size, I see all the images of the different yogi’s in the different poses and it just look so amazing….right? Wrong! Beause in my mind I’m screaming, “I CAN’T DO THAT! HOW IN THE WORLD AM I GOING TO BEND LIKE THAT? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?” Then I politely roll up my mat and tell myself I’ll try again later.
But what if later never comes? What if that last time I rolled up my mat was actually my last chance to move forward in this journey. Let’s be honest, no one is promised another chance. We only have the right then and that moment. Anything else is just a blessing moving forward.
So now I’m challenging myself. It’s time to let go of the fears and negative thoughts. No longer will I walk in the ways that I feel will be more acceptable for my size. After all there is this gorgeous plus size woman by the name of Jessamyn Stanley that is awesome at yoga. Serious goals in my eyes. So dang it (yes I said dang it, I’m a country girl lol), I’m going to start back and stick with it! Nothing beats a fail, but a try and I’m not a failure so I have to try. Wish me luck!
She dwelled at the bottom of the sea Heartbroken from what they had done to her They came like a thief in the night All that she knew, they took Her children were gone and so was her home Placed on a strange boat to a strange land They took everything from her except her pride Her pride would not allow her to cower and hide from them She would leave this world before she gave the last of her to them Just as they came is how she left Into the water and away from it all She gave herself freely to a body that asked for nothing Mother Yemaya could take her; those strange people were not worthy Last breath taken when new life began She dwelled at the bottom of the sea With her arms stretched open wide Embracing all those who wished to be free.