I want to walk in the rain. Feel the cool water hit me, as I release all the worries of the days before. I want to let go and not have a care in the world. In that moment I will be free to be myself in the purest form possible.

I want to walk down the streets unnoticed by all. I’d smell the flowers that are for sale at the little flower shop on the corner, see all the delicious pastries in the display window outside of the bakery that has the best chocolate cake, and see all the people that should slow down to take in the moment as well. My heart aches for the joy they are missing out on.

As the rain pours over me, the ache decreases and I watch my favorite couple. The older gentleman that looks to be no more than 50, but is really in his 70’s. He’s holding the umbrella for his wife who just happens to be his high school sweetheart. They walk unhurriedly up the street for their weekly date at the bistro he proposed at all those years ago. Once again my heart is filled with love. So much love that I stand there and smile. 

Caught in my moment, I miss my name being called. Your touch on my shoulder brings me back to reality. The smile on your face says that you already knew I’d be soak and wet by the time you got to me. You learned years ago my love of the rain and walking in it. You started heading this way once the ran started because you knew where to find me. Out of your bag, you produce a towel for me to dry off some and pull me in the crook of your arm ignoring my wet clothes. We walk home under the umbrella just like the old couple and my spirit is content.

Today I walked in the rain and in the rain I found peace…

In the closet, I’m obsessed with yoga. Meaning I totally love yoga, but haven’t worked up the nerve to follow all the way through with it. Many things have been the cause of that. Fear, anxiety, intimidation, just to name a few. Being plus size, I see all the images of the different yogi’s in the different poses and it just look so amazing….right? Wrong! Beause in my mind I’m screaming, “I CAN’T DO THAT! HOW IN THE WORLD AM I GOING TO BEND LIKE THAT? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?” Then I politely roll up my mat and tell myself I’ll try again later.

But what if later never comes? What if that last time I rolled up my mat was actually my last chance to move forward in this journey. Let’s be honest, no one is promised another chance. We only have the right then and that moment. Anything else is just a blessing moving forward.

So now I’m challenging myself. It’s time to let go of the fears and negative thoughts. No longer will I walk in the ways that I feel will be more acceptable for my size. After all there is this gorgeous plus size woman by the name of Jessamyn Stanley that is awesome at yoga. Serious goals in my eyes. So dang it (yes I said dang it, I’m a country girl lol), I’m going to start back and stick with it! Nothing beats a fail, but a try and I’m not a failure so I have to try. Wish me luck!

Last night I became a superhero.

How, you might ask.

It was late around 10:30, when I heard a knock on my door.

In walked my son with tears in his eyes and his bottom lip poked out.

He informs me that there’s a monster in his closet.

Now in my head I’m wondering how he walked past the closet and to my room without getting eaten.

Instead of voicing that I did what any sensible mom would do.

I put on my Uggs because come on every soldier needs boots, I grabbed the closest thing to resemble a sword, and I march towards the room.

Outside the door I whisper for my son to be very quiet before jumping through the door yelling as loud as I can, “ALRIGHT NOW MONSTER SHOW YOURSELF!”

I was rewarded with silence.

I look back at my son who looks at me and shrugs.

Apparently monsters are afraid of mommy’s.

I motion for him to turn around. This might get ugly.

The next couple of minutes was an intense battle of shadow fighting and strange noises that I had no idea I could make.

In the end I became victorious and the monster under the bed was no more.

Tucking my son in I asked him what was the lesson we learned tonight.

He sweetly replied, “Don’t mess with mommy,” before falling asleep.

Photo drawn by Patrick Curlin Jr (my 11 year old son)

She told me I was mean and my heart broke.

She looked me in my eyes, folded her tiny arms, and told me I was mean.

Now the reason for this is that I had just informed her that she had to vacate my room.

It was time for her to enter full toddlerhood by sleeping in her own bed.

This warranted the mean mommy award. Normally I would fold, but tonight I will stand my ground.

A battle of wills is where we both are now.

I will not back down.

It is now bedtime and bittersweet. This is her last night, but she’s not done with me.

She crawls in my lap, wraps her arms around my neck, and says the four words that get to me every time….I love you mommy.

And my heart melts.

Maybe one more night won’t hurt.

Round 1,046,388 goes to Kai.

Artwork by: @patcurlin21

#creativewriter #storyteller #beginnerwriter #spokenword #writer #writersofinstagram

I once saw a woman sitting under a tree

She just looked and listened

No words slipped through the crevices of her lips

I watched her as she watched them

Some would get smiles while others got frowns

Then one day she cried

She cried watching the little black boy explain to the policeman that he was just going home and wasn’t suspicious as the people had labeled him

She cried for the little black girl that got snatched into a van but no one heard her cries

She cried as she listened to the black man explain to his wife that he got denied another position because his past just wouldn’t let him go

She cried for that black woman who told her friend forget her child’s father she didn’t need him just like she didn’t have one as a child.

As her tears ran down her face, her sorrow filled the earth, and the world felt her pain.

And as the world felt her pain, my heart began to hurt when I looked at her and she looked at me.

“Do you see,” She asked, “Do you see what we have become?”

Her words drawing me closer and closer until we’re face to face and her hand touches my cheek with her tear filled smile and I realize who she is.

The woman sitting under the tree

The woman taking all this in with much pain and sorrow

The woman disappointed in the world

was me….

She dwelled at the bottom of the sea
Heartbroken from what they had done to her
They came like a thief in the night
All that she knew, they took
Her children were gone and so was her home
Placed on a strange boat to a strange land
They took everything from her except her pride
Her pride would not allow her to cower and hide from them
She would leave this world before she gave the last of her to them
Just as they came is how she left
Into the water and away from it all
She gave herself freely to a body that asked for nothing
Mother Yemaya could take her; those strange people were not worthy
Last breath taken when new life began
She dwelled at the bottom of the sea
With her arms stretched open wide
Embracing all those who wished to be free.