As I sit in my bed and anxiety flows through my body

I think back on how life was all so simple just months ago

Before the days of never ending positive cases and no longer able to see everyone faces

Things we took for granted when we had our noses buried in our phones not bothering to look up

Carelessly walking through stores obviously to the many dangerous germs that now have us in fear of coming in contact with and scrambling for hand sanitizer every five seconds

An unwelcoming wake up call to the dangers we previously were susceptible to is now nothing compared to what we all are fighting now

A fight that has become so heartbreaking and tiresome as we watch many fight in this battle

Some surviving but still experiencing long lasting symptoms and others we have to say goodbye to.

Those goodbyes that hurt more than anything because we’d all give up valuable possessions just to say I love you again or

Just to have another moment.

Sadly it’ll never come and we experience this over and over again until our minds are left with feelings of pure hopeless.

Repeating the phrase over and over again like our favorite mantra…..


In my darkest times

I called out to you

Desperate for love and understanding

Seeking relief from this sinkhole

I just couldn’t climb out of

Begging to be set free from the Bermuda Triangle I found myself imprisoned in

And as the light faded

Encasing me in pure darkness

You answered, each and every one of you

Let your torches shine bright

Guiding me back to the path I strayed so far from

Filling me with the love I needed when I felt I had none

And giving me the strength to carry on

Though bonded by blood and life long commitments, your actions are what truly make us family.

Storm from X-Men. Artist unknown.

As much as I want to be Storm from X-Men (let’s be real Wonder Woman is so overrated. Debate me later lol), I’m not. I recently found that out and although I don’t like it, I have to accept that. I’m the type of person that feels like I can do any and everything on my own. Yes, I know how to ask for help and occasionally I do, but for the most part I prefer not to. Growing up it was better to do things yourself or have it thrown in your face later. The past few weeks I have been adjusting to having 3 rowdy children at home 24/7 now that school is out, blogging, working on my Masters, helping my husband start his business (super proud about that. Anybody who’s into cooking and good recipes check out manthatcooks903 on Instagram He’s going to go far and his meals are yummy).

This weekend I found myself in the hospital wondering, “How did I get here?” Feeling my heart racing to where it feels like it’s going to explode, dizzy to the point I might pass out, and sudden sweats was completely terrifying. As a person that dislikes hospitals, even I knew something was off and I needed to get seen. After two hours alone in a hospital bed (thanks to COVID and no visitors allowed in the hospital) turns out I was experiencing anxiety/ panic attacks and high blood pressure.

Serious wake up call. My body has spoken and now I am listening. It sucks that we as people wait until we have a scary moment to take certain things in life such as our health more seriously, but we do. Now I am dedicated to knowing my limits. I’m dedicated to not feeling guilty about taking a rest period or allowing those I TRUST to help me when needed. More importantly, I’m dedicated to getting healthy. I have a family that depends on me and not taking care of myself can potentially rob them of future moments that can be made because I was foolish enough not to take life seriously. This scare was only anxiety and blood pressure, but it could’ve been worse. What if it was a stroke, a heart attack, or something severe that called for more than just rest and a few changes? What if I was too stubborn to get checked out and gotten to the point where it was too late for help?

We as people have to realize that we are not promised tomorrow. We only have one life and once it’s gone, that’s it. When that’s it, we are not only hurting ourselves, but those that we leave behind. They are the ones that have to deal with the pain of not having us around and holding on to memories/moments they’ll never have again.

So let’s live life folks, but do it responsibly…