Appreciate me now

Your tears will not be welcomed when I’m gone

They will only water my grave with your regrets

And memories you’d soon forget

Just like the times when I gave you my all

Only to find that was never enough

Because to you that was nothing

A single no overshadowing a lifetime of yeses

Pulling me in every direction

Leading me to the place I was destined

The place that we must all go one day

But for me it came early

Like the sun coming over the horizon

Casting a glow on the morning dew

That settles on the grass of my resting place

Where you now stand with your tears falling

And sobs of sorrow

Carried away on the cool breeze that brushes against

Bringing with it the gentle whisper of my last reply:

Have you finally learned to

APPRECIATE ME NOW

As I sit back and watch,

A calming truth settles upon me.

Causing the corners of my mouth to tilt ever so slightly towards the sky.

We are not the same.

You with your designer bags and life filled materialistic things.

Constantly strolling through social media trying to keep up with the Kardashians.

Are you happy?

Do you feel some sense of accomplishment as you walk down the street with your nose turned up at those who you feel are beneath you?

My sista, I feel sorry for you.

Most importantly I feel sorry for me.

In the midst of this, I am a Lauryn Hill living in a City Girl world.

And as I sit on this park bench, with my book on Assata Shakur in my hand, and my black obsidian necklace secured around my neck;

I take in all there is to you as you walk by and feel content with saying,

We are not the same, but when you awaken

I’ll be here to welcome you.

Photo Inspiration: Misty Copeland

In the shadows I stand,

While watching her perform the perfect pirouette before gracefully taking a bow.

My black swan rises regally like the Queen she is.

Receiving the standing ovation she rightfully earned after breaking down barrier after barrier so that those that look like her will have hope for their future.

My heart is filled with pride as the spotlight highlights her features and she responds with a coy smile like the professional that she is.

A coy smile that I see through from many nights of watching her from this spot.

I see what no one else sees.

The little melanin girl that is now the face of the ballet world.

Most importantly, the woman who holds the only place in my heart filled with love.

She exits the stage as the curtains close.

My hand reaches out to her; She readily accepts as I take her in my arms and whisper in her ear,

“I love you. Let’s go home my little ballerina.”

They say you never miss something until it’s gone.

In our case you’ve e been gone a long time.

Too long for me to continue to miss.

Physically you are here, but mentally you’re two blocks over.

Happily engaged with a one night stand that became a newfound fixture in your life.

A simplicity you decided could no longer be found at the home we built.

The home whose foundation wasn’t as solid as you promised.

So now the home is shifted, stairs tattered, and paint chipped from the years of being unhappy and neglected.

Years of thoughtless coming and going for the sake of a marriage that just wasn’t it anymore.

Until you finally come home to the eerie silence and cold stove.

Finally taking notice of the batter house that you used to call a home.

A house that is now empty as you call out my name only to be met once again with silence.

A silence that wouldn’t have greeted you if you had only made it home 5 minutes sooner to see me walking out the door with my suitcase in hand.

The tears running down my face as I mourned the death of the old me that loved you.

The man I thought I’d spend forever with.

The man that now sits at the dinner table thinking about all he will now miss.

All that he can’t get from two blocks over.

The unconditional love that he had, but now it’s gone.

Artist Unknown

Sitting in this bathtub

Immersed in bubbles

Surrounded by the scent of jasmine

Thoughts of you flitter across my mind

Reminding me of the last time I was in your presence

Standing close, but still separated by frost covered glass

Wishing things were like they used to be

Nestled in each other arms

In our cozy little apartment

But those days are long ago

Thanks to you choosing to answer the call of fast money and dangerous living

While I walk the path of a creative determined to make it

Two worlds that may never collide

But if you asked me to I would’ve tried

To make it happen so this loneliness wouldn’t have settled in my heart

Causing long days and even longer nights

Wondering if we would ever be together again

If you would ever choose me over your new life

Thoughts that can only be answered by you

If only my nerves would settle enough for me to pick up the phone

Then you’d hear my desperate pleas for you to come home

Suddenly fear gives way to courage as I dial your number

Hope fills my chest before panic at the sound of your voice

Shallow breathing and coughing is what I hear in between you forcing out my name

Apologies mixed with confessions of love grace my ears as tears roll down my face

I whisper them back in hopes of this all being a misunderstanding, but if not you’d still know that as you take your last breath

I’ll love you until the end of time

Artist Unknown

The other day someone asked me how I knew you were the one

The question instantly stomped me

And I become flooded with memories of when we first begun

The moment I looked in those deep brown eyes and told you my name

The second I laughed when you told me I was your wife

All the fights and arguments between us as our younger selves met our older selves

Every birth of our children that caused me to fall in love all over again

And now I have my answer

I didn’t know you were the one when I first met you

There was no fairytale love at first sight

My heart didn’t skip a beat the moment I met you,

But when you held my hand and walked through this thing called life destined to become man and wife

Continuing to fall in love with one another’s higher self

No longer able to see life with anyone else

I knew then you were the one

Artist Unknown

Tears cascaded down my face

As I found myself further in this sunken place

Lost in the thoughts

Of a love long left behind

I hear your voice riddled with sadness

But still I could no longer stay in this madness

The heart wants what the heart wants

Unfortunately what my heart wants is not what my soul needs

Healing

Healing from the toxicity of the burning flame

inside the both of us

The flame that made the pain we created easily soothed from the passion that followed

The passion that slowly faded with the rising of the morning sun and we’ve left to ask each other

What have we become?

When did we become this couple that no longer basks in the love but look forward to the making up to numb the pain from the endless injection of love and hate?

Where do we go from here?

You afraid to answer the questions which leaves me forced to make the decision for both of us.

Silently packing my bags and creeping off into the darkness at the midnight hour.

Hoping one day you’ll forgive my cowardly exit, but thank me for release both of us from the torturous merry go round.

The merry go round that replays visions in my head of what could have been if only I had stayed,

But instead I have only wishful thinking and stained tears.

I want to tell the world how much I love you

I want them to know that from the moment I met you, I found the manifestation of love.

I want them to know that the rich color of your skin reminds me of the most premium cocoa

I want them to know that when you smile, that dimple on you left side of your cheek winks at me in a sexy way

I want them to know that just the touch of your hand makes me quiver down to the depths of my soul

So much so that when you hold me I wish you would never let go

I want them to know….

I need them to know….

To know that I can’t really describe how much I love you

There aren’t enough words to give an accurate description

I find myself looking at all I have written and it always seems like it is never enough

And then I fear that when the time comes like tonight, when I want to tell the world how much I love you

I’ll get stuck

Stuck to the point that the moment will be gone before I can even utter a single world

So right here, in this moment

As the spotlight is on us

I’ll look you in your eyes and simply say

I love you

They say the eyes are the windows to ones soul

I believe it every time I look into yours

That steely gaze that has the ability to stop me in my tracks

So dark I get lost in them as I dive in a dark pool of onyx and drift away

Slowly, with the vision of love that both you and I create

A love that has transcended the test of time

Through our many resurrections

Resurrections I am reminded of through your eyes

We once laid under the stars next to the Niger River and fell asleep in each other’s embrace

You held my hand while I prayed to the ancestors as Harriet led us to freedom

We were there in Virginia, by Nat Turners side when he led the revolt in 1831

And when the bombs dropped in Tulsa, you helped board up windows and keep us safe from those seeking to hurt us

I remember when we sat in the restaurant and was star struck when Malcolm had his date with Betty. You know the one where he taught her the history of the pig right after.

The party on Juneteenth, was one of the best we ever had. You sure did have some good moves for an old man.

We really had some good times

Times I see on repeat just like now as I stare in your eyes

My heart skips a beat as you sweep me off my feet

Holding me closely while placing your forehead on mine without breaking eye contact

Your eyes, the window to your soul and the gateway to my heart.

Savoy Ballroom in Harlem

You gave me that 1932 love

That love that brought you to my house and you asked my mother and fathers permission to court me

That love where you dressed up in your finest threads

I dressed up in my best dress that came just below the knee to give the right amount of modesty

Then we cruised down the street in your fancy car

I’d look over at you and you’d glance at me,

Both caught up in promises of forever

Making it to our destination, the soulful rhythm hitting our ears just outside the door

Guiding us to the middle of the dance floor,

Just stomping at the Savoy.

Oh did we swing the night away

That night led to many other nights

We would be like our parents

Having that love that wasn’t afraid to be put on display

Seeing them sneak kisses in the kitchen, mama blushing from daddy’s compliment,

And that united front they had.

They were the blueprint for us leading up to this day

Seeing you unapologetically cry as I walk down the aisle on daddy’s arm.

My God, I’ve never seen anything more beautiful than that moment.

That moment will forever be embedded in my memory

For that moment was the deepest display of love you have shown for me.

Your gratitude of being blessed with a love like ours.

A love many will seek

That 1932 love.