Artist Unknown

Who will mourn me when I’m gone?

Surely not the ones who take me for granted.

Not the ones that want nothing, but also everything.

Everything to the point where I have nothing left.

Not even an ounce of care for self health.

My mind and body are both tired.

Tired to the point of giving up.

Walking away with nothing else to say.

After all, what could there to be said?

How are you feeling?

Is it anything you need?

What can I do for you?

No, nothing like that could be said.

Except from a few.

The ones that genuinely care.

The ones that want nothing in return but for me to be me.

While the rest leave me to feel nothing but unappreciation.

So I am left to wonder again,

Who will mourn me when I’m gone?

Photo taken May 7th: My husband and angel baby

As May 7th approaches, I’m filled with thoughts of your memory. May 7th, the last day I was able to physically hold you. In my mind I knew what the day would bring, but my heart wasn’t ready. I couldn’t let someone so precious go so soon. Looking down at you I was hit with a shocking realization that I was being selfish. I wanted to continue to hold your hand all through life until it was my time to transition, but right then in my presence is where your body was receiving the most pain.

So I released you and asked that you be free from pain. I knew that although you were not physically with me I would still have the comfort of your memories. I remember not long after you left, I had a dream of you. In that dream I walked up to my granny who was rocking and holding a child. That child was you. I told her your name and she looked at me as if I was crazy. She told me she knew who her grandchild was and then resumed rocking.

I wanted to stay in that moment longer, but the smile she gave me and her eyes let me know it was time to leave. So I did with a sense of contentment. I no longer had you, but I knew you were safe in the very arms that helped mold me into the woman I am today. I will always miss you and I will always love. I just have to do it from a distance now.

On May 7th, I celebrate your life and everything it was. You fought bravely to make it into this world with hydrocephalus and through every surgery. You surpassed the time you were initially given and gave me so many moments to cherish. I’m so proud to have a son like you and if given the chance I would do it all over again by your side.

I was told that if I traveled far enough I would find the stairway to heaven

Could you imagine a place like that existing

I mean really imagine…

To journey to the top of the stairs and get lost in the clouds

Call out your loved ones names and see their face spreading the white fluffiness the looks like cotton

Reach out your hand and place it gently on their cheek

Watch the smile spread across their face and fill you with the warmth of their presence

Catch them up on all that they missed and wishes of their return to the land of the living

And then all too soon say goodbye for the second time because although the stairway leads to heaven, heaven is not ready for you yet