Appreciate me now

Your tears will not be welcomed when I’m gone

They will only water my grave with your regrets

And memories you’d soon forget

Just like the times when I gave you my all

Only to find that was never enough

Because to you that was nothing

A single no overshadowing a lifetime of yeses

Pulling me in every direction

Leading me to the place I was destined

The place that we must all go one day

But for me it came early

Like the sun coming over the horizon

Casting a glow on the morning dew

That settles on the grass of my resting place

Where you now stand with your tears falling

And sobs of sorrow

Carried away on the cool breeze that brushes against

Bringing with it the gentle whisper of my last reply:

Have you finally learned to

APPRECIATE ME NOW

As I sit back and watch,

A calming truth settles upon me.

Causing the corners of my mouth to tilt ever so slightly towards the sky.

We are not the same.

You with your designer bags and life filled materialistic things.

Constantly strolling through social media trying to keep up with the Kardashians.

Are you happy?

Do you feel some sense of accomplishment as you walk down the street with your nose turned up at those who you feel are beneath you?

My sista, I feel sorry for you.

Most importantly I feel sorry for me.

In the midst of this, I am a Lauryn Hill living in a City Girl world.

And as I sit on this park bench, with my book on Assata Shakur in my hand, and my black obsidian necklace secured around my neck;

I take in all there is to you as you walk by and feel content with saying,

We are not the same, but when you awaken

I’ll be here to welcome you.

Artist Unknown

Embedded in the roots

These trees bare strange fruit

Flowing through generational veins

The poison of the past still remains

Stretching through each limb

Passing through the leaves

And floating in the breeze

Carrying along with it pure toxicity

A curse surviving off the fear of many

Those that are genuinely ashamed

Fingers pointing

Rumors whispered

Only the truth remains

A truth that must no longer leave these withered leaves stained

Breaking a cycle and bringing forth what’s really needed,

Change……

They say you never miss something until it’s gone.

In our case you’ve e been gone a long time.

Too long for me to continue to miss.

Physically you are here, but mentally you’re two blocks over.

Happily engaged with a one night stand that became a newfound fixture in your life.

A simplicity you decided could no longer be found at the home we built.

The home whose foundation wasn’t as solid as you promised.

So now the home is shifted, stairs tattered, and paint chipped from the years of being unhappy and neglected.

Years of thoughtless coming and going for the sake of a marriage that just wasn’t it anymore.

Until you finally come home to the eerie silence and cold stove.

Finally taking notice of the batter house that you used to call a home.

A house that is now empty as you call out my name only to be met once again with silence.

A silence that wouldn’t have greeted you if you had only made it home 5 minutes sooner to see me walking out the door with my suitcase in hand.

The tears running down my face as I mourned the death of the old me that loved you.

The man I thought I’d spend forever with.

The man that now sits at the dinner table thinking about all he will now miss.

All that he can’t get from two blocks over.

The unconditional love that he had, but now it’s gone.

Artist Unknown

Sitting in this bathtub

Immersed in bubbles

Surrounded by the scent of jasmine

Thoughts of you flitter across my mind

Reminding me of the last time I was in your presence

Standing close, but still separated by frost covered glass

Wishing things were like they used to be

Nestled in each other arms

In our cozy little apartment

But those days are long ago

Thanks to you choosing to answer the call of fast money and dangerous living

While I walk the path of a creative determined to make it

Two worlds that may never collide

But if you asked me to I would’ve tried

To make it happen so this loneliness wouldn’t have settled in my heart

Causing long days and even longer nights

Wondering if we would ever be together again

If you would ever choose me over your new life

Thoughts that can only be answered by you

If only my nerves would settle enough for me to pick up the phone

Then you’d hear my desperate pleas for you to come home

Suddenly fear gives way to courage as I dial your number

Hope fills my chest before panic at the sound of your voice

Shallow breathing and coughing is what I hear in between you forcing out my name

Apologies mixed with confessions of love grace my ears as tears roll down my face

I whisper them back in hopes of this all being a misunderstanding, but if not you’d still know that as you take your last breath

I’ll love you until the end of time

Artist Unknown

Tears cascaded down my face

As I found myself further in this sunken place

Lost in the thoughts

Of a love long left behind

I hear your voice riddled with sadness

But still I could no longer stay in this madness

The heart wants what the heart wants

Unfortunately what my heart wants is not what my soul needs

Healing

Healing from the toxicity of the burning flame

inside the both of us

The flame that made the pain we created easily soothed from the passion that followed

The passion that slowly faded with the rising of the morning sun and we’ve left to ask each other

What have we become?

When did we become this couple that no longer basks in the love but look forward to the making up to numb the pain from the endless injection of love and hate?

Where do we go from here?

You afraid to answer the questions which leaves me forced to make the decision for both of us.

Silently packing my bags and creeping off into the darkness at the midnight hour.

Hoping one day you’ll forgive my cowardly exit, but thank me for release both of us from the torturous merry go round.

The merry go round that replays visions in my head of what could have been if only I had stayed,

But instead I have only wishful thinking and stained tears.

Artist Unknown

I still remember the day you walked out the door

After all this time it still haunts me

Bags packed in your right hand while turning your back to me

Telling me I have no choice but to set you free

Tears on the brim of my eyes refusing to fall

We might’ve both messed up, but I gave you my all

How is it you’re the one that gets to walk away

Leaving me to be surrounded by all the memories overshadowed by the present

Positive thoughts clouded with negative

Consuming every inch of my body

Weighing it down like a sedative

Until I no longer want to live

Convincing myself I have nothing left to give

So the scenarios of what if plays in my mind like the perfect illusion

Sending me in a constant state of confusion

Not understanding that sunshine awaits the breaking of a new day

Only seeing the pill bottle on the table that can end it all

A victim of my thoughts I become

Feeling pill after pill slide down my throat until the bottle is empty

Satisfaction takes over with a smile knowing soon nothing will be felt

Then the phone rings and I hear your frantic voice

Before darkness takes over I whisper

Send help….

Obtained from Pinterest. Artist Unknown

You made me feel as though I was the only woman in the world for you

As long as you had me, that was enough

See the world through a haze of smoke and mirrors

Content with life because all I needed was to be near you

But all too soon the smoke cleared and the tears fell down my eyes

As I watched my poetic justice turn to American Horror Story

Sinking me deeper into my grave with other heartbroken friends turned foes

Embracing the death of this life to be reborn with the strength of Madame Laveau

My ancestors have welcomed me and helped me heal

Now you must pay for the lies and bad hands you constantly deal

Feel the pain of the hearts you ripped out and smothered

After I enact my revenge you will never hurt another

Artist Unknown

8 years 28 days and 88 minutes

That’s how long it’s been since we’ve connected

You walked out the door and never came back

I tried to make excuses

Some reasonable explanation of why you walked away from everything

At night I spent hours crying

Wondering what I did to chase you away

Praying that you’d walk back in the next day

The next day turned into the next

And now here we are

Lost in translation

A figment of each other’s imagination

Only my imagination is filled with scenarios of how I got here

Wishing I could fill this void that you left

8 years 28 days and 88 minutes ago