Appreciate me now

Your tears will not be welcomed when I’m gone

They will only water my grave with your regrets

And memories you’d soon forget

Just like the times when I gave you my all

Only to find that was never enough

Because to you that was nothing

A single no overshadowing a lifetime of yeses

Pulling me in every direction

Leading me to the place I was destined

The place that we must all go one day

But for me it came early

Like the sun coming over the horizon

Casting a glow on the morning dew

That settles on the grass of my resting place

Where you now stand with your tears falling

And sobs of sorrow

Carried away on the cool breeze that brushes against

Bringing with it the gentle whisper of my last reply:

Have you finally learned to

APPRECIATE ME NOW

Artist Unknown

Embedded in the roots

These trees bare strange fruit

Flowing through generational veins

The poison of the past still remains

Stretching through each limb

Passing through the leaves

And floating in the breeze

Carrying along with it pure toxicity

A curse surviving off the fear of many

Those that are genuinely ashamed

Fingers pointing

Rumors whispered

Only the truth remains

A truth that must no longer leave these withered leaves stained

Breaking a cycle and bringing forth what’s really needed,

Change……

If only life were a fairytale

Then we could escape this cruel twist world

A life where we constantly have to blend in with society in hopes of not becoming a target

Ignoring the fact that you’re already a target.

The moment you took your first breath someone was being taught they were superior than you, someone was taught to fear you, and yes someone was taught that your life was so worthless that they can take it and get away with it.

This is a reality that you my dear boy will have to come to terms with at an early age.

Like Langston Hughes Mother to Son,

You my son must learn what I learned many years ago.

Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair and life for you just won’t be fair,

But as the blood of our ancestors flow through your veins,

Always remember, when you walk out of a room their perception of you will never be the same.

With the purest aura and the strength of a thousand men,

Those tacky stairs in the form of privileged individuals will see what I have seen since the moment of your birth.

A STRONG BLACK NEGUS.

They say you never miss something until it’s gone.

In our case you’ve e been gone a long time.

Too long for me to continue to miss.

Physically you are here, but mentally you’re two blocks over.

Happily engaged with a one night stand that became a newfound fixture in your life.

A simplicity you decided could no longer be found at the home we built.

The home whose foundation wasn’t as solid as you promised.

So now the home is shifted, stairs tattered, and paint chipped from the years of being unhappy and neglected.

Years of thoughtless coming and going for the sake of a marriage that just wasn’t it anymore.

Until you finally come home to the eerie silence and cold stove.

Finally taking notice of the batter house that you used to call a home.

A house that is now empty as you call out my name only to be met once again with silence.

A silence that wouldn’t have greeted you if you had only made it home 5 minutes sooner to see me walking out the door with my suitcase in hand.

The tears running down my face as I mourned the death of the old me that loved you.

The man I thought I’d spend forever with.

The man that now sits at the dinner table thinking about all he will now miss.

All that he can’t get from two blocks over.

The unconditional love that he had, but now it’s gone.

As I sit in my bed and anxiety flows through my body

I think back on how life was all so simple just months ago

Before the days of never ending positive cases and no longer able to see everyone faces

Things we took for granted when we had our noses buried in our phones not bothering to look up

Carelessly walking through stores obviously to the many dangerous germs that now have us in fear of coming in contact with and scrambling for hand sanitizer every five seconds

An unwelcoming wake up call to the dangers we previously were susceptible to is now nothing compared to what we all are fighting now

A fight that has become so heartbreaking and tiresome as we watch many fight in this battle

Some surviving but still experiencing long lasting symptoms and others we have to say goodbye to.

Those goodbyes that hurt more than anything because we’d all give up valuable possessions just to say I love you again or

Just to have another moment.

Sadly it’ll never come and we experience this over and over again until our minds are left with feelings of pure hopeless.

Repeating the phrase over and over again like our favorite mantra…..

FUCK COVID!!!

Artist Unknown

It all started with a simple conversation.

A conversation filled with many hesitant questions that I told myself were irrelevant.

Internally battling that voice that replaced my curiosity with fear.

Fear of finding everything I had been told was all an illusion.

An illusion created to keep many in a deep slumber while the wicked ran rampant.

Free of all consequences while the lost ones looked on with the rose colored glasses they were given so long ago.

Just as I have been for many years.

Until a simple conversation brought forth a simple question,

Can I tell you something?

The something was like finding pages and pages of a lost text.

The erased writings on the wall our ancestors left.

Now returned to its rightful owners.

To decipher the meaning.

As they awaken from their slumber.

With eyes wide open.

It is now midnight and before I close my eyes, I must give thanks to the universe for such a blessing. Many do not live to see the age I have made it to. I know that personally as a parent who has buried a child. To live to see another day, another year around the sun, another waking moment has me feeling if nothing else but grateful. As Covid has hit and knocked the world in a state of chaos, I have found motivation for many firsts. 2020 was my year of yes and branching out. I have become more consistent with showcasing my work not only on my blog, but also on Instagram, my work will be in not 1, but 2 online magazines, I have found a love for painting and getting pretty darn good at it, and I am preparing to launch a business with my husband. My support system has showed up and showed out with the love and I am eternally thankful for those. Many I have known for years and some just recently, but it goes to prove to me that there are good people in return that only want the best for you expecting nothing in return. Moving forward, it’s full steam ahead to finish out this year. I pray that the most high continue to find me worthy of this life I live and continue to rain blessings down as needed and not just off of wants. May universe and ancestors continue to guide me down my intended path and protect me from all that is meant to cause harm. I hope that I inspire may as others have inspired me on this journey I have been on and may my love and passion flow through my craft. Asé

Artist Unknown

Are we living to die?

Constant tears watering graves as countless mothers cry.

Brothers, sisters, husbands, uncles, nieces, and somebody’s cousin gone away.

While it’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday is left in the background to play.

What is it about us that you fear?

Is it the melanin engraved deep beneath our skin?

The skin the gives proof of where live begins?

Within us we gave birth to many generations,

Powerful enough to lead nations.

Or maybe you’re scared of what we leave behind; Legacies

Legacies you intended to strip from us with your privilege

Your privilege that no longer compares

To the generational wealth we now create

The generational wealth that scares you like our melanin

Our generational wealth that will transform our black dollars into black businesses

So you’re scared

Scared enough to use your badge and privilege to sin

That many sins you committed by taking the life

Of the descents from where life began

Confident, that’s what you have been with each one taken

Our silence has had you severely mistaken

We have walked in the light of peace like Martin

But oh how quickly we can get it cracking like Malcolm

For it was he that said:

Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery.

Now that I have your attention, let me be clear

We are done being filled with fear whenever we get pulled over

There will be no justification for the wrong doings of others

Our voices will not be silenced or bought

No longer will loved ones spend countless times in the cemetery

Consider the grass to be overwater by mother’s tears

No longer will we live to die.

Emotions are very high right now. After just witnessing Ahmaud Arbery and Sean Reed, here we are again with George Floyd. I have to ask, when is enough enough. How much more blood has to be spilled for America to get that our lives matter? Will America ever get it? At this point I don’t care if they ever fully get it. Just know that my life, my children’s lives, and all people of colors lives matter. We will not continue to be hunted and laid down for the world to see as an intimidation tactic.

Intimidation can no longer work, fear can no longer flow through our veins at the sight of someone considered better than us or legally able to take a life, and we cannot continue to move peacefully. We are going through the same motions moth after month; angry, protest, pray, and forgive. When does the action come? When do we stand up for our lives? Too much blood has been spilled and I refuse to see anymore spilt only to go silent after an arrest. An arrest does not mean a conviction. People get arrested every day and still do no jailtime. I am not satisfied with just an arrest.

I need to see action. Anyone can share, hashtag, and complain. That only goes so far, and history shows that that distance is not far enough. Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Trayvon Martin, Sandra Bland, Freddie Gray, Philando Castile, Oscar Grant, Botham Jean, Atatiana Jefferson, Pamela Turner, Korryn Gaines, Emmett Till, George Stinney, Ahmaud Arbery, Sean Reed, Breonna Taylor, and now George Floyd. All the times where our distance was never enough for proper justice. 

Once again, my mind is tired and my heart is broken. Everyone loves the culture, but don’t love the people the culture comes from. We have become a trend for the world to embrace when it’s cool, but silent when the harsh reality is put on display. Where is the people that love the culture now? Where are the people of privilege that shout, “We are all equal?” For those who are silent, you either don’t see a problem, you don’t care, or you’re too afraid of losing your privilege to speak out. Therefore, you are part of the problem. 

In a world full of Martin Luther King, Jr’s, I see sprinkles of Malcolm X as more and more people awaken to say enough is enough. That makes me proud, that gives me hope that although there are people that still wish to bury us, there are even more sprouting out the ground from the strong roots they come from. It’s ok to be Martin. The world needs balance, but even Martin said in the end, “I fear I am integrating my people into a burning house.”

Enough is enough people.

Close your eyes and listen closely,

As you stand in this space take in the moment. 

Can you hear it?

The soft chains rattling in the distance,

The haunting melodies of your ancestors singing,

The footsteps shuffling through the sand towards the water.

This place is not for them. 

This place will not be their prison. 

Just as the lyrics to the song they sing,

The water brought them here, the water will take them away.

The time for spirits is high,

Open your eyes and watch the world come alive. 

Do you see them?

Out in the distance,

Chains so loud you want to cover your ears,

Melodies sung with such passion your eyes water,

Footsteps closer to the water making you want to reach out to stop them. 

Just as you take a step forward one turns to you.

She is beautiful and she is fearless.

In your head her voice speaks so clearly,

“This is our sacrifice, don’t let it be in vain.”

Side note: Thank you to the many ancestors that gave their lives at The Igbo Landing. Let’s not let their sacrifice be in vain. We must do better.