If only life were a fairytale

Then we could escape this cruel twist world

A life where we constantly have to blend in with society in hopes of not becoming a target

Ignoring the fact that you’re already a target.

The moment you took your first breath someone was being taught they were superior than you, someone was taught to fear you, and yes someone was taught that your life was so worthless that they can take it and get away with it.

This is a reality that you my dear boy will have to come to terms with at an early age.

Like Langston Hughes Mother to Son,

You my son must learn what I learned many years ago.

Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair and life for you just won’t be fair,

But as the blood of our ancestors flow through your veins,

Always remember, when you walk out of a room their perception of you will never be the same.

With the purest aura and the strength of a thousand men,

Those tacky stairs in the form of privileged individuals will see what I have seen since the moment of your birth.

A STRONG BLACK NEGUS.

Artist Unknown

I stood in front of a melanated God,

One who seemed to debate every word that would come out my mouth.

If I said it was hot, he said it was cold.

If I said it was 12:01, he said it was past noon.

Every single thing was a debate.

I soon found he wanted to assert his dominance.

He was nothing like the men I had come across before.

My sharp tongue only fueled his desire to make me submit.

Submit to the inevitable,

One day he would rule my world and I would let him.

Me, the strong black woman that didn’t need to bow down to a man.

Those words I expressed to him one day,

The narrowing of his eyes showed his displeasure.

He then schooled me on the fact that submissive did not equate to weak.

Submissive in a woman was not being afraid to let the man lead and showing a man is nothing without his neck, his woman.

Submissive was accepting his vulnerable side the world was not privy to.

Submissive did not relinquish independence, it balanced the roles between two forces.

And submissive was not gender based,

For the right woman, the right man will submit when needed.

With that he won my heart,

Opened my mind to a new way of thinking.

The world will know my dominance,

But for him I will be submissive.

Most people associate physical touch as sexual.

It doesn’t have to be,

There’s levels to it.

Some levels we don’t experience until we find the right one.

My spirit knew I was ready when he entered my life.

His introduction was everything I needed. 

You should’ve seen how he’d stare into my eyes before tapping me on my right cheek producing a smile.

The way we’d walk down the street and he’d casually bump into me to throw me off balance.

In the midst of a deep conversation or for no reason at all,

He would hold my hand and a calmness would come over me.

My heart melted into a pool of bliss each time he’d wrap me in his arms,

And just hold me for hours saying nothing. 

No words were needed,

The comfort of being secure in his arms was enough.

In my moments with him, I received what I needed from physical touch.

It sits there, lurking throughout the day

Never saying anything, but watching intently

Sooner or later it will make its move

It’ll trick you into thinking you’ll have the best night ever

Then when you’re freshly showered, snug under your covers with your eyes slowly closing

It rings the doorbell to your brain while singing the familiar lines, “Hello darkness, my old friend.”

You’re used to this so it’s pointless to fight it

Hour after hour with no sandman in sight

You wait for sunrise to bring an end to the night

Eyes finally close and sleep takes over

Just for the alarm clock to announce daybreak

Insomnia for the win, yet again

Last night we danced and it was magical.

You walked in the room and there was no one else but us.

Nothing extravagant, just an ordinary room where you and I were the only two people in the world.

It started slow with us looking into each other’s eyes and then transitioned into a cozy two step as we teased each other with rhythm.

The music changed and we waltz from one corner to the next before moving into a tango.

That tango meant more than we both could ever imagine.

It was during that moment our feelings were on display.

Eyes connecting, body’s moving, and hearts intertwining to the language of love.

Last night we danced and it was magical.

I want to walk in the rain. Feel the cool water hit me, as I release all the worries of the days before. I want to let go and not have a care in the world. In that moment I will be free to be myself in the purest form possible.

I want to walk down the streets unnoticed by all. I’d smell the flowers that are for sale at the little flower shop on the corner, see all the delicious pastries in the display window outside of the bakery that has the best chocolate cake, and see all the people that should slow down to take in the moment as well. My heart aches for the joy they are missing out on.

As the rain pours over me, the ache decreases and I watch my favorite couple. The older gentleman that looks to be no more than 50, but is really in his 70’s. He’s holding the umbrella for his wife who just happens to be his high school sweetheart. They walk unhurriedly up the street for their weekly date at the bistro he proposed at all those years ago. Once again my heart is filled with love. So much love that I stand there and smile. 

Caught in my moment, I miss my name being called. Your touch on my shoulder brings me back to reality. The smile on your face says that you already knew I’d be soak and wet by the time you got to me. You learned years ago my love of the rain and walking in it. You started heading this way once the ran started because you knew where to find me. Out of your bag, you produce a towel for me to dry off some and pull me in the crook of your arm ignoring my wet clothes. We walk home under the umbrella just like the old couple and my spirit is content.

Today I walked in the rain and in the rain I found peace…